It's college admissions season. The letters of jubilation, waitlists of hope, and soul-crushing denials are coming.
Like many things these days, the process is broken. Students cannot rely on a formula or list of objective objectives to find their college match. For many students, the most challenging part of the college application process is the personal essay, which, in the spirit of the paradoxical nature of the application process, is hardly personal.
The essays of late have given the impression that college admissions are some form of Hurt Olympics - that is, who can weave the greatest personal tragedies into brilliant prose while addressing some fairly banal writing prompts.
What if nothing terrible has happened to you? Statistically, if you're the sort of kid with the grades, drive, and extracurriculars seemingly desired by our top institutions, you will have to avoid many of the winding roads that cause self-inflicted wounds in the first place. That leaves you with a relatively small bucket of tragedy to drink from.
There is an expectation that students espouse a worldview that is likely to lack nuance in its 650 words and unlikely to belong to them. The college kids writing about their passion for protecting the environment are the same ones dropping carbon at Coachella.
I heard a young man recently ask a UCLA admissions representative rhetorically, "I'm a kid - how am I supposed to know who I am? Or what I want to do with my life?" Kudos to him, the UCLA rep agreed, but her response did not appear to resonate with the room.
She answered gracefully, but I did not think the crowd believed her. She said, "Authenticity counts." But I believe her, primarily because students have no choice. The explosion of private college advisors who won't send you to prison and new technologies like AI are conspiring to devalue the college essay. That's likely a good thing. It will take the pressure off and let students write authentically.
She also said, "This is a business." That's right. Most things are "all business." We're not entitled to anything, even under our modern ideals of fairness. Life is full of disappointment. Get used to it. Keep on.
Viewing this process as a business means focusing on what we can contribute rather than what we want. Nothing belongs to us by right, and we must quickly shed any sense of entitlement to thrive in life. "It's not about you" is one of life's great lessons. Religion, public service, and education should deliver that lesson, but sadly, they seldom do anymore.
Students need to lose the idea that admissions offers will pass their work of brilliance around the admissions office or read it aloud at some oak table inside a brick-clad building. They will not. It's doubtful that most essays will be read all the way through.
Participating in various experiences in high school helps students find their authentic selves. Then, they can write about it on a college application. Many students curate their experiences for the application, contorting their interests and their souls based on some model of a college applicant.
If asked to offer advice on writing college admissions essays, I would point to my favorite fictional football coach, Eric Taylor, from the show Friday Night Lights, and his famous speech - "Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose."
If your eyes are clear, you understand the world around you. You have some understanding of who you are, and if you're a good fit for the College you're applying to. If you are trying to level up, that is, applying to a "reach school" in application parlance, it helps to know that, at least to yourself. Most importantly, "clear eyes" means you understand the damn essay question. Then, answer the question. Don't rely on profound metaphor or esoteric analogy. You're not Kafka. If you don't understand that last reference, temper your school choices accordingly.
You must always write with a full heart. Everything you write. Apply this equally to love notes, college essays, and work emails. Texting shorthand has short-circuited our ability to write in our unique voice. Your essay has room for a degree of informality, but if you show me a draft with a single LOL in it, we're throwing hands.
Your presuppositions about what schools want or who you think you need to be can distract you from writing authentically. They replace your kindness with a callousness that undermines who you are. There is a paradox at work here. After all, I just told you this was a business, and now I want you to write with the vulnerability of a full heart. The work, the business started when you started high school. The essays are not the work. College essays should be your pure expression of the work you've already done. They are you, not a byproduct of who you are. Writing with a full heart means transcending sympathy and rising to empathy.
Because the anecdotal stories of the application process are fraught with misinformation, it's hard to tell what went wrong. My guess is that it's often the egos of students and parents who cannot see who they are. Square pegs and round holes are less of a match than we've romanticized them to be, and no brilliant essay alone can get you into an Ivy. Find your tribe. Many of those failed applications and essays were likely inauthentic. They were just pixilated ideas of who the applicant thought the school wanted, not who they were.
Coach Taylor said that if you have clear eyes and a full heart, you can't lose. But he didn't mean the game. Everybody loses a game. Life, man. He meant life. Clear eyes and a full heart mean you know where you belong, and students often find their place during this process. It may not be where they thought they wanted to be, but it's a place they can thrive. Sadly, some do not. At least not right away. Life, man. But if you've done the work and lived authentically, you will find your way. The application process is largely out of your control. Accepting this is the key to winning. At life, man. Live your best life and write it down. Then you can't lose.
xAP
I was JUST talking to my husband about college essays last night--he'll love this! He said he wrote something about an experience at a Renaissance Fair(e) and his friend wrote his college essay in the form of an obituary. His friend got in more schools.