My father once told me, as I’ve written here before, that you’ve got to have meaning in your life. It was the best advice he ever gave me. Weirdly, he offered it when it first became apparent that he was living with dementia.
“Otherwise, it’s all horseshit,” he assured me.
When his disease took away his working days, he looked for meaning in a small notebook where he tried to record his aphorisms, his little bits of advice, that he was certain people would one day pay good money to read. He imagined them bound into one of those tiny books you buy at an airport gift shop and give your grandkid at graduation.
He called them Marionisms, his first name being Marion, which, he always said, sounds better in Croatian. Marion never tired of reminding anyone that it was also John Wayne’s real name.
Other than the aforementioned quote on meaning, most of his other thoughts left us wondering. They sounded like Yogi Berra if he’d had a head injury, dementia, and just a little bit of weed. Dutiful son that I am, I’ve written a few here for you, as this past weekend was Father’s Day and it seemed appropriate.
I’ve taken extreme poetic license with the wording, but not the sentiment. This is what he left me. I make no assurances that he actually said any of these things, or that someone else didn’t say them first.
“You’ve got to have meaning in your life. Otherwise it’s all horseshit.”
“How do you know where you’re going until you get there?”
“Everybody becomes a goddamn saint at their own funeral.”
“Always carry cash. If you don’t need it, someone will.”
“Time doesn’t heal anything. It just changes the story.”
“Hotel lobbies have great restrooms.”
“Always tell people you forgive them. But don’t forget shit.”
“Never trust a man with soft hands.”
“I’m supposed to tell you to go home by midnight, but if you don’t know that, you probably won’t.”
“Everybody loses in a fight. But you’d better outlast the other guy.”
“Keep your gas tank full. Brush your teeth. Put the shopping cart back. You’re already ahead of everybody else.”
“You don’t have to measure garlic or butter. Or wine.”
“Even a blind squirrel finds something. He just can’t see what it is.”
“Don’t drive home the same way every night - somebody might be following you.”
“A man should know how to plunge a toilet, cook a steak, and disappear out the back door of anywhere.”
“If the food is free, don’t ask questions.”
“Eating salad with blue cheese dressing is like cheating on yourself.”
“If you ain’t paying, don’t look at the bill.”
“I’ve been to lots of places I’ve never been before.”
“You can’t start over until you finish what you never began.”
“The problem with time is it keeps happening.”
“Bad luck is still luck.”
“I took the long way because the short way seemed longer.”
“Sometimes you gotta take a break from doing nothing.”
“I don’t mind change, I just want things to stay the same after.”
“I don’t know why God invented beets.”
“The best team will score more points.”
“Not too many people can fight. Especially the ones that always get in fights.”
“It’s ok to laugh when assholes fail.”
“If the pan is smoking, turn the damn heat down. You’re not a welder.”
xAP
Love these Ante ! You made my day I guess Marion did ! ❌⭕️❤️👏💯
This brought back childhood memories...